You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
