Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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