3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
