It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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