All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
