Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
