I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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