What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
