whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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