So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
