Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
