at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
