and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
