Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
