I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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