Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
