Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
