Moan for me like Helen Keller
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
