You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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