Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
