He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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