wake up i wanna do it froggy style
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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