I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
