I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
