South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
