i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
