belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
