i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
