I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
