found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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