I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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