Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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