At least make sure they are 18
Why
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
