i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
