This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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