Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
