Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
