i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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