so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
