Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
