so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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