I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
