the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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