You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He felt like a one man threesome
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
