How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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