you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
