i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
