I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
