The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
