I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
