Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
