You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
