I wish I only lived at night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
