Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
